Trapped Inside My Own Mind

Trapped Inside My Own Mind

via Daily Prompt: Heard

What do you do when you feel you’re not being heard?

By family?

By friends?

By God?

I don’t think it’s their fault.

It’s not their fault.

It’s my fault.

My mind is such a foggy mess right now. It’s like there’s a short somewhere, or a connection that’s gone bad.

I have all these things I want to say, I need to say, but I can’t think of what they are. I feel as though I’m going to explode with thoughts that can’t even come to fruition.

I can’t speak them.

I can’t write them.

I can’t even think them.

How do I-

Lost it.

You’d think it would be noisy in my head, with all those thoughts jumbled up. But it’s so very quiet; the thoughts aren’t even being birthed.

I can’t explain what I’m feeling because I can’t think of the words to explain how I’m feeling. My feelings aren’t complicated; the words just aren’t there.

I can’t even pray. All I can do is say, “Lord, Romans 8:26-27.”

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”      Romans 8:26-27

It’s making my depression worse. My brain is locked in a cage for which there doesn’t seem to be a key. How do I get help for feelings when I can’t explain what I’m feeling?

I know why it’s happening. It’s brain fog from my POTS. Since so much blood is pooling in my lower extremities, and I don’t even have enough blood to begin with, not enough blood is getting to my brain. It’s a very real, very scary thing. David has seen it happen in person and it scared him the first time.fullsizerender

How do I fix this?

I need to be heard.

But I don’t know what I’m trying to say.


11 thoughts on “Trapped Inside My Own Mind

  1. I just heard you <3. I have similar feelings from my bipolar depression episodes and fibromyalgia brain fog. I know the fear (I still suffer from absence seizures). Your words were very descriptive of how you are feeling. It is a powerful post.

    1. Thank you Lydia. I guess I didn’t realize that I sort of ended up saying things and making myself heard. Although it’s still not quite what I want to say…but you know what I mean. ?

      1. By the way, I couldn’t comment to your “About” so thought I would do it here. My father and grandfather were both pharmacists and one of my dearest friends was but she had to give it up when she was diagnosed with MS. I practically grew up in our pharmacy because my mom ran the front shop while Dad, of course, ran the dispensary. I started stocking shelves at 14 and ended up working shifts, doing deliveries, looking after certain sections of the store. I also love that you have 7 cats. When we finally get out of our condo and back into a house I am going to make sure that Monkey isn’t an only cat. LOL. And I love all their names. 🙂

  2. Lydia- I fixed the comments section on the about page. For some reason I guess I never turned it on when I started my blog last July! Thanks for alerting me to that!

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