An Existence I Don’t Want

I feel down. I can’t stand this brain fog. It’s probably the most frustrating thing I’ve ever had to deal with, and one of the worst parts of dysautonomia/POTS. I’m used to having a sharp, functioning mind that could multi-task. Now I’ll think of something, get out of bed, and then not be able to remember why I got out of bed. I can’t really have thoughtful conversation, even when I’m talking to David. I’ll be talking and then stop mid-sentence. After about 15 seconds, David will ask, “Is your brain fogging?” And I just nod, sad and quiet. Additionally, I can’t write very well anymore, which is why I haven’t posted any original material in awhile.

I almost don’t recognize myself anymore. Continue reading “An Existence I Don’t Want”

One Lovely Blog Award

What a treat to be nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award on Valentine’s Day! Thank you spooniemom (aka Tracy) at Me, My Spoons, and I for the nomination! I am honored! Tracy has been fighting an as yet undiagnosed chronic illness for a long time. She is a true spoonie warrior! (You all need to check out her blog and her awesome Etsy store, The Spoonique Boutique! Love the candles but haven’t had a chance to try out the shower steamers or scrubs yet!)

The Rules:

1- Thank the person that nominated you and leave a link to their blog

2- Post about the award

3- Share seven facts about yourself

4- Nominate other people (15 at most)

5- Tell your nominees the good news

About Me:

  1. I’m a lover of Jesus. He is my everything. Without Him, I’d probably be dead. That being said, before some of you stop reading, these are just my beliefs. I believe in Jesus Christ, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to push my beliefs on anyone else. Everyone has the freedom to make their own choices, and I love you (and so does Jesus) regardless of what those choices are.img_0974
  2. I’m a book-a-holic and I have been since my parents first started reading to me when I was itty bitty.
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    My TBR shelf!

    I was reading Nancy Drew books by the time I was seven. In middle school, I used to read around 30 books a summer. Now I’m back into reading again after a long hiatus (aka six years of college and then my career) and I’m loving it.

  3. I have lots of chronic illnesses (see my About page), but my most recent diagnosis is dysautonomia/POTS. It sucks. I hate it. It’s mean and spiteful.img_0776
  4. I had a brain tumor last year that was removed through my nose. Although I would have picked that over any other method, it was just as unpleasant as it sounds.design
  5. Due to my dysautonomia and associated brain fog, (seriously, it’s debilitating), I have to write down everything in a planner, otherwise I forget to do it.fullsizerender
  6. I marched on Washington to raise awareness for endometriosis before it was cool to march on Washington, haha.image
  7. I have seven cats. They all love snuggling on the bed with me and the electric blankie. Can you find all of them in the picture?img_1864

Nominees:

πŸ’›ribbonrx

Share Your World-February 13, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blogΒ for being the brainchild behind this!

Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?Β They’re tucked in at the end of the bed, but untucked everywhere else. Otherwise I feel like I can’t move around.

Have you stolen a street sign before?Β  Continue reading “Share Your World-February 13, 2017”

Trapped Inside My Own Mind

via Daily Prompt: Heard

What do you do when you feel you’re not being heard?

By family?

By friends?

By God?

I don’t think it’s their fault.

It’s not their fault.

It’s my fault.

My mind is such a foggy mess right now. It’s like there’s a short somewhere, or a connection that’s gone bad.

I have all these things I want to say, I needΒ to say, but I can’t think of what they are. I feel as though I’m going to explode with thoughts that can’t even come to fruition. Continue reading “Trapped Inside My Own Mind”

Can’t I Just Be “Whelmed”?

via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming

It doesn’t take a psychiatrist to figure out that right now my life is exceptionally overwhelming. I thought I’d gone through a lot last year, which I did. Unfortunately, it appears, at least so far, that 2017 is turning out to be a real stinker as well. And we’re only a month in!

Maybe listing everything I’m overwhelmed about will help. I’ll try to make this as coherent as possible. However, between this perpetual brainfog and the fact that as of right now, I’ve been awake for 28 hours (couldn’t sleep due to pain and just feeling crummy in general…plus I wanted to finish a book I was reading), it may be a little bit off. Continue reading “Can’t I Just Be “Whelmed”?”

I’m a Little POTSie…

Sometimes the only way to get the best care is to take things into your own hands. I’ve done it before, and now I’ve had to do it again. But I’m glad I did.

Dr. J had told me to call his office about a week after my testing that occurred on January 11th and January 13th to talk to a nurse about my results. So I called on Thursday the 19th. They said they’d call me back in a few days. Nothing. So I called again Monday the 23rd. The said to give it “one more day.” Nothing. I sent a MyChart message Wednesday politely demanding the results be released and for someone to call me to discuss them. Last Thursday night most of my test results were released to MyChart, but with no explanation, so I had no idea what they meant. So I called the office Friday morning to see what the heck was going on. Continue reading “I’m a Little POTSie…”

A Day With Dysautonomia

What’s it like to have dysautonomia? Let me take you through a day in my compression socks so you have some idea of what I fight through on a daily basis.

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Heart rate after brushing teeth

Imagine it’s a new day. You wake up and get out of bed. You do your business and then brush your teeth (with an electric toothbrush, by the way.)Β As you’re doing this, you place two of your fingers over your carotid artery. Your heart rate is rapid, probably in the 120s, maybe pushing 130. And all you’re doing is standing up, brushing your teeth. Continue reading “A Day With Dysautonomia”