Abandoning the Dream

Seven years ago, I graduated from pharmacy school with my doctor of pharmacy degree.

Seven years ago, I moved to a new city as a newlywed, fresh back from our honeymoon.

And seven years ago today, June 14th, I started my career as a pediatric pharmacist. My dream job.

And now I wonder…was there even a point?


We started off as children. Teenagers right out of high school dedicating ourselves to a highly esteemed profession, one which consistently ranks very high among the most trusted professions in the United States.

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Freshman roommate babies! (October 2004)

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Share Your World: June 12, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

What do you do when you’re not working? If you are retired, what do you that is not part of your regular daytime routine? Due to my illnesses, I am unable to work at the age of 31. I hate it and I’m ashamed of it. And I have no children to take care of because my body is a traitor. So what do I do now? I write, both on my blog and in my journal. I read. I listen to music. That’s it. Continue reading “Share Your World: June 12, 2017”

Share Your World: June 5, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

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After surgery, when I couldn’t smell anything!

What’s your strongest sense? Smell. (I must have been a dog or cat in a past life.) Many of my memories are based on smells. It was so weird after my brain surgery when I couldn’t smell anything at all for a week or two because the tumor was removed through my nose. And it wasn’t just like when you have a cold and can’t smell anything, this was a total, complete loss of the sense. I was lucky to get it back so quickly; many people experience a loss for months to a year! And it affects your sense of taste, too…I didn’t want to eat at all because what’s the point of eating if you can’t even remotely taste or smell your food? My husband had to practically force-feed me. Continue reading “Share Your World: June 5, 2017”

Rebellion Gone Wrong

I’m not quite sure I’ve gone this long without updating my blog before, even after my multiple surgeries last year. This week has been a weird one, though, and I just haven’t felt like writing. Probably because of my rebellion that kind of ended up going sideways.

Hubby was out of town presenting at an emergency medicine conference in Orlando, so I’ve been alone with the cats all week. They’re used to me being home all the time, but not to him being gone. Surprisingly, I didn’t oversleep any of those days, except perhaps today.

But last week, I just suddenly got so sick of being sick. I wanted to pretend that I was normal. Or maybe I was trying to convince myself that I’m not as sick as I appear to be. So I rebelled.

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Turns out, stuff like that backfires.

Loki GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Share Your World: May 8, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

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Today’s fun pair of compression socks!

When you’re alone at home, do you wear shoes, socks, slippers, or go barefoot? Well, I always have a pair of socks on. Since I was diagnosed with POTS in January, I’ve worn compression socks every day. (It appears I have 17 pairs of fun-colored compression socks.) Not sure how the knee-high socks thing is going to work out during the summer, though. But in addition to socks, unless it’s the height of summer, I wear slippers because we have tile floors and wood floors that are extremely slippery (and cold!) in these socks. I’ve had complete wipeouts while turning a corner quickly (although that was really the cat’s fault…) Continue reading “Share Your World: May 8, 2017”

Share Your World: May 1, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

Would you rather live where it is always hot or always cold? Always cold. I love winter and snow. ❄️🌨 Although it’s kind of strange, because even though I have a cold intolerance (I’m freezing most of the time) because of my POTS, so you’d think I’d hate the cold, I feel quite sick when it’s hot outside. At least, I can gauge that much after having had a few days already this year the 80s and I felt really sick. I’m dreading summer for that reason.

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A 3 am light winter snow a few months ago.

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Things We Lost in the Fire

“Things we lost to the flame
Things we’ll never see again
All that we’ve amassed
Sits before us, shattered into ash…”

Things We Lost in the Fire (Bastille)

 

IMG_1123As Esther Smith said in her excellent book, When Chronic Pain and Illness Take Everything Away, “Grief is the process by which we actively release all that we feel, question, and remember at the feet of God and the people He has placed in our lives.”

At the end of the second chapter, she poses some questions that have me wrestling with my thoughts, emotions, and feelings towards God. Questioning God isn’t a bad thing. In fact, He encourages us to come to Him with our questions, fears, or doubts. If you’ve ever read Psalms, you know this to be true!

As part of my grief process, I am going to share my answers to the questions, as you all are the people God has placed in my life. I assume the intention of that is to find help through grief from a different perspective than God’s. Continue reading “Things We Lost in the Fire”