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Tag: Depression

Sick Beauty Standards

Sick Beauty Standards

“But you don’t look sick.” A statement so many people with chronic illness are tired of hearing. Say that to someone with a chronic illness and what they’ll really want to do is slap you upside the head and say, “That’s because I spent 20 minutes perfecting my face this morning!” Honestly, we all know makeup can turn anyone into a beauty; that’s what it was invented for! A little foundation can hide some blemishes and even out your skin…

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Friends, Can You Help Me?

Friends, Can You Help Me?

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet so as to not burden anyone. I need help from you, my faithful readers. The brain fog caused by one of my medical conditions, POTS, a form of dysautonomia, has made it monumentally difficult for me to think. It’s like…my thoughts won’t connect, or certain parts of my brain won’t talk to each other. I can almost feel this void in the middle of my head, like a bridge is out over…

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Abandoning the Dream

Abandoning the Dream

Seven years ago, I graduated from pharmacy school with my doctor of pharmacy degree. Seven years ago, I moved to a new city as a newlywed, fresh back from our honeymoon. And seven years ago today, June 14th, I started my career as a pediatric pharmacist. My dream job. And now I wonder…was there even a point? We started off as children. Teenagers right out of high school dedicating ourselves to a highly esteemed profession, one which consistently ranks very high among the…

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When Your Depression Is Invalidated

When Your Depression Is Invalidated

One of the worst feelings you can experience as a chronically ill person is invalidation. It’s not necessarily that others don’t believe you (although that is also a tremendous problem and a discussion for another time), but that they either don’t see or don’t understand how much your illness(es) impact your daily life. Especially when mental health plays a role in your battles. And what makes it even more frustrating? When that invalidation comes from healthcare professionals. When, to their…

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She Told Me I Was Beautiful

She Told Me I Was Beautiful

And now she’s dead. Back up. This post contains discussions of untimely death and suicide. Please stay safe and steer clear if these subjects may be triggering for you. One of the interesting things about having chronic illness(es) is how your friendships change. In many unfortunate cases, people who were once your friends fade into the background. Sometimes it’s because they’re uncomfortable being around someone who is ill. Or maybe they don’t like the new version of this person they…

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2016, In the Style of Personal Journals: February

2016, In the Style of Personal Journals: February

Way behind in publishing this, but I still want to continue this series. Last year was a rough year for me due to all the medical problems I had. I poured out my heart and soul into my personal journals, which were my lifeline keeping me somewhat grounded. To give you an idea of what it was really like to go through all that I did, the rest of this entry is only direct quotes from my journals. I plan…

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Nocturnal Musings #18: A New Me?

Nocturnal Musings #18: A New Me?

I haven’t done one of these in awhile. My last one was in December, I believe. Even in two short months, my life has changed a great deal. Not for the better, unfortunately. And since I’m having some painsomnia along with my general refusal to sleep at night for the most part anymore, I guess I may as well talk about it to some more sympathetic ears than I’ve been getting the past few days. I lost my job last…

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Trapped Inside My Own Mind

Trapped Inside My Own Mind

via Daily Prompt: Heard What do you do when you feel you’re not being heard? By family? By friends? By God? I don’t think it’s their fault. It’s not their fault. It’s my fault. My mind is such a foggy mess right now. It’s like there’s a short somewhere, or a connection that’s gone bad. I have all these things I want to say, I need to say, but I can’t think of what they are. I feel as though I’m…

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50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

I love fun stuff like this. It’s distracting me from the hell hole that is my life lately. Thanks Dangerously Normal Spoonie for the idea! 1. What’s your favorite candle scent? North Pole from Yankee Candle. 2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Emma Watson 3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Tom Hiddleston (seriously, he’s only four years older than me.) 4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? I was 24 when…

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Can’t I Just Be “Whelmed”?

Can’t I Just Be “Whelmed”?

via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming It doesn’t take a psychiatrist to figure out that right now my life is exceptionally overwhelming. I thought I’d gone through a lot last year, which I did. Unfortunately, it appears, at least so far, that 2017 is turning out to be a real stinker as well. And we’re only a month in! Maybe listing everything I’m overwhelmed about will help. I’ll try to make this as coherent as possible. However, between this perpetual brainfog and…

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