Although the current time is no longer nocturnal, I was literally up all night and started thinking about maybe writing a blog post in the predawn hours, so I’m going to count it anyway.

Yes, I was up all night. And I’m obviously still awake, even though it’s after 10 am. Maybe thinking through and writing down what is on my mind will help me pinpoint why I’ve been awake and will help me get to sleep. This will be complete stream of consciousness to try and get things off my mind.

I actually went to bed at 3 am, trying to be good. I listened to some nice, peaceful pieces from the LOTR and Hobbit soundtracks (because Howard Shore is the master) to quiet my mind. It didn’t really help, because then it got me thinking about the movies and my favorite parts and which parts of the music correlated to what scenes in the movies…and then David was pretty restless in his sleep, so I was attentive to every breath and snore and snort and movement he made, which is probably what really kept me awake for three more hours until I got up at 6 am.

Sometimes I wish I were a cat. I envy their ability to sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat. My cats are readying themselves for their mid-morning naps. Nala is on my lap, Molly is on David’s side of the bed, and Chloe is hanging out on the floor next to the bed.

On a good note, I received word from my manager this morning that he finally received all the approved paperwork for my leaves of absence. Took long enough. This had better mean my paycheck at the end of next week will be huge, because I haven’t gotten paid in a month and a half. Can we say back pay?

I also got approval from my psych NP to increase my dose of Zoloft. I haven’t been feeling euthymic in 4-5 months and given the vacillations in my mental health recently, I think trying a higher dose is warranted. At first I was thinking it was just related to all the stress of the upcoming brain surgery, but I still don’t feel quite right even after the fact. I want to get my anxiety and depression under control before I go back to work. Going from not working for four and a half months to jumping right back in to a high stress environment is not going to be even remotely enjoyable. There is no rest for the weary in my line of work, no easing back into things. You hit the ground running whether that means you need to walk, jog, or sprint depending on our patient census and acuity, which is unpredictable and uncontrollable. You have no chance to rest and no choice but to push through to get the work done. I’m not looking forward to it.

On another good note, my recovery continues to go well. I was having a pretty persistent frontal tension/sinus-type headache yesterday that is wanting to linger into today. But my nasal passages are clear for the most part, drainage is down to virtually nothing, and I almost have full taste and smell back. I’m still missing a little bit of sweet taste, though. But it will come with time. I’m amazed at the progress I made in only a week’s time.

Anyone read any good books lately? I’d love some recommendations to add to my Amazon wish list since my birthday is coming up next month. I just started What She Left Behind by Ellen Marie Wiseman and I’m enjoying it so far, but I’m only three chapters in. What I really want to start this week is The Forgotten Way by Ted Dekker (my favorite author). It’s a two-week devotional series that looks awesomely intense. I’ve been meaning to do it since June. There are two books and a bunch of online podcast-type things that go along with it. I’m really excited about it. I definitely want to get it done before I go back to work, because then I know I won’t have time.

Ugg, why am I not tired yet? This is going to be a rough day. I feel like at this point I should just stay up until I’m about to pass out and then go to bed, whenever that may be. Probably sometime early this afternoon. Lying in bed trying to make myself sleep isn’t going to help. David won’t be home until close to midnight, so I have the house to myself all day. Just me and the cats. I love these days, to be honest. I can focus more, rather than dealing with the tornado that is my husband. ?

And in case anyone was wondering, there are only 97 days until Christmas. ?

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