Day 19: How do you feel about the future?

The future of course is filled with trepidation. A lot could go right, but a lot could go wrong.

I’m not too concerned about my celiac disease. I just need to keep doing what I’m doing, following a gluten free diet, and I should be ok. My biggest concern is having my children wind up with the disease, which I really hope they don’t for their own sakes. But with some new treatments in clinical trials, a future with celiac disease could be a lot brighter than it looks now.

As for now, my endometriosis is in remission and I hope it stays that way. I hope the adenomyosis doesn’t get worse enough to the point I have troubles with a pregnancy, which is why I need to get pregnant as soon as possible. Another reason I hope the adenomyosis doesn’t get any worse is that it’s the primary source of my pain right now and it’s only gotten worse over the past several months. I was really hoping once I had my surgery in July, my pelvic pain would be gone, but now that the adenomyosis is ramping up, that hasn’t become a realization. At this very moment I feel like my uterus is a big ball of fire. Not comfortable.

Most of all, I want to have children. I’m not sure how optimistic I feel about it right now. A lot will depend on how removal of the brain tumor goes in a few weeks to see if my reproductive system will start functioning normally once the tumor is out. So a whole lot rides on the success or failure or that surgery. Any wonder I’m slightly terrified?

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