Day 13: Has your chronic illness had any effect on your mental health?
Well, kinda. I do have mental health issues. But not as a result of the celiac disease. There were times after my endo diagnosis I was in complete despair of ever feeling well again; days when I was in so much pain I just wanted it to end. One day thoughts of an overdose crept into my mind. I remember thinking that hopefully the opioids I was thinking of overdosing on would relieve my pain while I was still conscious so I could be pain- free during my final waking moments. But I made my husband lock my pain medications in our safe and take the key with him when he went out. If that doesn’t tell you how serious of a disease endo is, I don’t know what will.
But that was two years ago. My depression now was mainly spurred on by my struggles with infertility, as related in Love Me Til I’m Me Again. Although the chronic pain associated with the (unknown at the time) hernia and the brain tumor certainly compounded the problem and continue to wreak havoc with my mental state.
I’m still struggling with my mental health. Even though my chronic pelvic pain is gradually fading now that the hernia has been fixed, it’s not gone yet. It may not ever go away due to the adenomyosis (that is, my angry uterus). I’m hopeful that my mental health will stabilize after my brain surgery, as long as it’s successful. I just need my life back. And to have a family. Then I think I may finally be happy. But that’s still a long way off. Just bear with me until then and love me for who I am.