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2016, In the Style of Personal Journals: January

2016, In the Style of Personal Journals: January

I’m going to try something a little different here. Last year was a rough year for me due to medical problems I had. I poured out my heart and soul into my personal journals, which were my lifeline keeping me somewhat grounded. To give you an idea of what it was really like to go through all that I did, the rest of this entry is only direct quotes from my journals. I plan to do this every month this year….

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Look Back at Me

Look Back at Me

Trigger warning: depression and self harm Last night was a rough night. Not as bad as it could have been. Just some tears and feeling sorry for myself. It’s always worst late at night, especially after David goes to bed (I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve gone to bed before him in the past 6 1/2 years of marriage.) I filled up a couple pages in my journal with my feelings, since writing it…

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#WorldMentalHealthDay

#WorldMentalHealthDay

Yesterday, October 10th, was World Mental Health Day. Of course I didn’t know about this until much later in the day and couldn’t really think of anything meaningful to say. Until I recalled an event from seven years ago that, while I have trouble remembering some details and is something I haven’t thought about in a long time, still resonates with me. And so, I’m going to share it with you.

How Chronic Illness Showed Me What Love Is

How Chronic Illness Showed Me What Love Is

I’ve heard the stories, and I’m sure some of you have as well. Every now and then, someone in one of my Facebook support groups will post the news that her significant other is leaving because he or she can’t deal with her chronic illness. Sometimes this is a breakup; other times it means divorce. No matter how big or small the breakup, this is a tragedy that plays out too often in the world today. It makes me sad….

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Nocturnal Musings #15: The Meaning of Strength?

Nocturnal Musings #15: The Meaning of Strength?

I feel horrible right now. Either I caught a cold at the hospital on Friday that somehow already manifested itself Sunday morning, or my new, more powerful nasal rinse is knocking loose some serious crap still stuck in my upper sinuses. My nose is draining the nastiest looking stuff. I didn’t even sleep last night because I was so congested and I doubt I’ll sleep tonight either. My ENT says it should lessen up as the week goes on and…

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The Ultimate Game of Pretend

The Ultimate Game of Pretend

via Daily Prompt: Pretend *Trigger warning for depression and self harm* For me, my depression was all about pretending. Just keep smiling and no one will notice. Just keep saying, “I’m fine” and they will assume you are. For several months, not until I went public with it on my blog, no one except my husband knew what I was hiding behind my smile.

And So I Kept Living

And So I Kept Living

*Warning: this post may contain triggers for self-harm and material which may be upsetting. Please stay safe and steer clear of this post if you have these triggers.* I had been meaning to post this last Saturday, but that was the day I got discharged from the hospital after my surgery to remove my brain tumor and I wasn’t feeling up to it. And then I began to wonder if I even had the courage to post this, since it’s…

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In Their Own Words

In Their Own Words

*Warning: this post may contain triggers for self-harm and material which may be upsetting. Please stay safe and steer clear of this post if you have these triggers.* This week is National Suicide Prevention Week. Given the kind of year I’ve had and my diagnosis of major depressive disorder and my destructive coping mechanism of self harming this past winter, this is something that means a lot to me this year. And I think it’s something that will be a big…

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Back in the Hole

Back in the Hole

Today (or rather, yesterday at this point), was going to be such a good day. I slept well, despite my usual late 4:30 pm wake-up, but I felt good when I woke up and was looking forward to having a good day. Until I read my email. I received an email from my manager that for whatever reason, absence management is claiming they don’t have any of the paperwork for my current leave or upcoming leave. This just adds more fire…

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