I’m so dizzy this morning. I can barely sit up. It doesn’t help that we had a bag of pool shock explode while my husband was carrying it up the basement stairs, so now the whole house reeks of pool chemicals and it’s making me feel sick. I lit a bunch of candles to try to get rid of the smell and I made David vacuum everywhere. Hopefully he got it all up because it worries me with the kitties getting any in their paws and then licking it. That stuff is dangerous.

I’ve tried my usual cocktail of Benadryl and meclizine. Not working yet. I can sit up, but moving around is challenging. Nala the rescue cat has arrived to take care of me, sitting on my legs. She always knows first. I don’t know how, but she does. Not sure where Aurora is, because she’s usually here too. She might be avoiding the bed because Molly is on the bed and they hate each other with righteous fury. Cats.

Here we go. Now Smoosh (Aurora) has arrived. Rescue kitties, activate!

I hope I’m not like this until the surgery. I was really hoping the tumor wouldn’t have enough time to grow back enough to be a problem, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I doubt it will be as big as it was prior to treatment (6 mm) but the neurosurgeon said, “If we can see it on a scan, we can remove it.” Before the medication, it was migraines all the time. Now after the medication it’s dizziness with headaches and the occasional migraine. I’d certainly take the dizziness over a migraine any day, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. You’d find its really hard to get anything done when you’re dizzy and vertiginous most of the time. That’s why I’m still on disability from work. It’s been almost two months now. But 34 days to go until the surgery. A bit less than 5 weeks.

I got a call to set up my pre-op MRI, CT scan, blood work, anesthesia consult, and meeting with the ENT docs. All the testing will be on August 26th and my ENT appointment will be September 6th. It’s starting to get real. And as I mentioned earlier today, I’m terrified. Brain surgery. Brain. Surgery. They’re cutting a hole in my skull, albeit through my nose, but still. They may need to take skin from my thigh to cover the hole when they’re done depending on how big they need to cut. Eek. I know I shouldn’t be complaining when there are far worse kinds of brain surgery to go through and I’m blessed that this can be done transphenoidally, but it’s still scary. The things that could happen…I know they’re rare, but still possible. Not to mention I’ve had two surgeries here before and the last one they botched my anesthesia so badly I practically have PTSD from it, so I’m going to have some words for them at my anesthesia consult. What kind of moron doesn’t give their patient any pain medication in the OR prior to awakening? So I woke up screaming, having been cut open for two hours with no pain medication at all. Yes, that happened. To me. In the health system I work for. And it will not happen again. Or else someone’s going down.

Happiness. Think of happy things…

Song keeping me sane at the moment: Desert Soul by (who else) Rend Collective. Although my other favorite is Just a Glimpse. I can’t get enough of them ever. I’ve listened to all of their albums pretty much every day since I re-discovered them in February, no joke. The only one of their songs I knew before that was Build Your Kingdom Here. (Watch the video, or else we can’t be friends. Do it. Do it now! You want to see a music video and true worship? Here it is.) I can’t wait until Campfire II comes out later this year. We’ve been teased with a 26 second trailer of Chris singing “This Little Light of Mine” but no official date yet. Arrg! I’ll never forgive myself for missing their concert when they were 10 miles away in April, but I was working night shift. But between Rend Collective, All Sons and Daughters, and Bastille all coming out with new albums in the next few weeks/months, I’m a happy girl. If only Mumford and Sons would jump on board. Maybe next year. They’ll be due for a release by then.

Ok, I’m feeling mostly better now. Just a little dizzy and I feel like my hands and feet aren’t attached to my body when I move about. Much better. It’s sad that feeling this way is “much better” but it is, unfortunately.

I guess I’ll go have my quiet time now. I slept through yesterday, so I have a lot of catch up on, but I’m excited to be able to spend a lot of time in the Word today. Praise the Lord! And thank you, Lord, that I’m feeling a bit better now. Yay. And the Olympics start tonight! YES. Go Team USA!

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