Give Your Heart a Break

IMG_1239One more time around the sun, one more time passing through National Infertility Awareness Week as an unintentionally childless woman. I guess you could say this is my third time.

It’s an understatement to say that a lot has gotten in the way of my attempts to become a mom.

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Ready for excision surgery!

In 2014, not long after we had starting trying to get pregnant, my battle with endometriosis took the forefront. Within a span of six months, I was hospitalized, diagnosed, and had two surgeries, one of which was out of state with an excision specialist. Then recovery began, and our efforts to get pregnant resumed in 2015.

Needless to say, I did not become pregnant in 2015, and we were baffled as to why not. Continue reading “Give Your Heart a Break”

A Cold and Broken Birthday Hallelujah

The person I was a year ago is not the person I am now. Not by a long shot. Even though I’m only a year older, I feel as though I’ve aged at least ten years in the past year. Must be a thing that happens once you hit your 30s.

When I look in the mirror now, I can see the scars that the past year has left on me, both literally and figuratively. I see a person who is a shell of what she once was and doesn’t know if she can ever go back to before. Continue reading “A Cold and Broken Birthday Hallelujah”

The Seasons Will Fly

As I sit here spending my time as a football widow, I can’t help but think about all the goings on of the past year. My journey through infertility, through depression, through pelvic pain, through a brain tumor. I tend to do this every now and then when the calendar comes up on a specific time of year, such as a change of seasons. I don’t know why, I just do. I tend to find that my mind is either stuck in the past or the future. Continue reading “The Seasons Will Fly”

Still Waiting on Baby

It’s been almost a year since I had the realization that I was going to need to go on fertility meds in order to get pregnant. The thought was slightly daunting, as my body has never responded well to my hormones being manipulated by medications. Seven months on birth control in college was one of the darkest and most emotional times of my life up to that point. My periods were more painful than ever, I couldn’t eat anything except Cheerios during them, often had to skip classes, and I fell into a clinical depression that had everyone around me, except David, avoiding me. But last summer, after 8 straight months of trying to conceive a baby (following a year on and off), I knew something was going on that needed to be dealt with.

Continue reading “Still Waiting on Baby”


As yet another month of 2016 begins and the summer ebbs on, I am left to reflect. Sorry, it’s just something I do late at night, and it’s late at night here in northeast Ohio. Or actually, really early in the morning.

My previous post July-A Month in Review was a reflection on all the happenings of the month of July, as it was quite an eventful month. Deciding to have brain surgery, then having a different surgery a few days later, going on leave from work…many things happened. But that’s nothing compared to the year I’ve had.

I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Savior and my God. I believe He died upon the cross for my sins and rose again and was taken up to heaven where He sits at the right hand of the Father. I believe He is a good, gracious God who wants nothing but joy and love and wonderful things for His children.

So why has He allowed this year to be a living hell? Continue reading “Why?”

For This Child We Pray

Of all the subjects I intend to blog about, this one is probably the most difficult and emotional one for me. The one I have shed the most tears over. The one I have nearly lost my mind over. There’s nothing tragic about our particular situation, it’s just that I want something that it seems other people obtain so easily (even though I know that’s not always the case.) I’m talking of course about that thief among women (and men) that rids people of their God-given right to become parents: infertility. Continue reading “For This Child We Pray”