How Chronic Illness Showed Me What Love Is

I’ve heard the stories, and I’m sure some of you have as well. Every now and then, someone in one of my Facebook support groups will post the news that her significant other is leaving because he or she can’t deal with her chronic illness. Sometimes this is a breakup; other times it means divorce.

No matter how big or small the breakup, this is a tragedy that plays out too often in the world today. It makes me sad. It makes me mad. It makes me wish I could do something to help. To make people realize that individuals with chronic illness need even more support and love from the people around them because of illness-imposed limitations on their lives.

Thankfully, my own accumulation of chronic illnesses over the past several years has led to the relationship between my husband and I becoming stronger and more full of love than I ever thought possible. Continue reading “How Chronic Illness Showed Me What Love Is”

Nocturnal Musings #15: The Meaning of Strength?

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Nurse Smoosh

I feel horrible right now. Either I caught a cold at the hospital on Friday that somehow already manifested itself Sunday morning, or my new, more powerful nasal rinse is knocking loose some serious crap still stuck in my upper sinuses. My nose is draining the nastiest looking stuff. I didn’t even sleep last night because I was so congested and I doubt I’ll sleep tonight either. My ENT says it should lessen up as the week goes on and to let them know if it doesn’t. But as for right now, I am grouchy and grumpy. I felt fantastic last week and now I feel like I’ve backslidden.

David said to me tonight that I have been so strong through all of this. (Granted he was quite sleepy and mildly intoxicated from watching The Debate.)

But the strength analogy is something I don’t understand. Let’s analyze, because I’m probably hours away from sleep at this point. Continue reading “Nocturnal Musings #15: The Meaning of Strength?”

The Ultimate Game of Pretend

via Daily Prompt: Pretend

*Trigger warning for depression and self harm*img_0513

For me, my depression was all about pretending. Just keep smiling and no one will notice. Just keep saying, “I’m fine” and they will assume you are. For several months, not until I went public with it on my blog, no one except my husband knew what I was hiding behind my smile. Continue reading “The Ultimate Game of Pretend”

Onward and Upward

Friday I had my first post-op follow-up visit after my brain surgery two weeks ago, this one with the ENT surgeon Dr. Sindwani. He scoped my nose and removed what he called “scar bands” that had formed, which he said is fairly common. This caused a bit of a bloody nose, but that’s pretty typical for me anyway. But he said everything looks great and he’ll see me back in four months! He cleared me of all restrictions, but I’m still going to take it easy and not do anything too crazy; I don’t want to risk causing any problems at all! I see my neurosurgeon, Dr. Recinos, in two weeks, so we’ll see what he has to say as well. I have lots of questions for him. Continue reading “Onward and Upward”

Grown Up Birthday List

Given that September is almost over and my birthday is at the end of October, I’ve already started to get questions from family members about what I want for my birthday.

I hate this question. Not that I don’t like birthdays and receiving gifts. I love books and would love enough blank journals (spiral-bound, please) to fill a warehouse. But as I’ve gotten older, it’s become harder and harder to think of things I want for my birthday. I usually just end up scouring the Internet for things I don’t really need, but just pick out so people will have a chance to buy me something if they feel so obligated.

I’ll be 31 next month. Not a special year in the least. But what do you do when you get to the point that the things you desire in life aren’t material? So, if you want to know, here’s what I really want for my birthday. Continue reading “Grown Up Birthday List”

The Eternal Headache

It’s been two weeks since my brain surgery that removed Mini, my itty-bitty 6 mm prolactinoma that despite its size, caused all sorts of problems. Most of my post-op symptoms have resolved themselves. My sinuses seem quite clear and I’m doing saline nasal rinses three times a day to make sure they stay clear. I have no drainage from my nose anymore, so I can normalize a little bit and not need tissues and a wastebasket next to the bed. My senses of taste and smell are pretty much back to normal from what I can tell. I can sleep flat again, which in turn is helping me sleep better.

But there’s this headache. It’s not a bad headache most of the time (if my medication is working.) It’s more of a constant, sinus-like, tension-like pressure headache that’s always there and never goes away. I’ve been trying to get off the Percocet, but nothing else will touch this headache. At this point, it feels like it will never go away. Continue reading “The Eternal Headache”

Nocturnal Musings #14: Up All Night

Although the current time is no longer nocturnal, I was literally up all night and started thinking about maybe writing a blog post in the predawn hours, so I’m going to count it anyway.

Yes, I was up all night. And I’m obviously still awake, even though it’s after 10 am. Maybe thinking through and writing down what is on my mind will help me pinpoint why I’ve been awake and will help me get to sleep. This will be complete stream of consciousness to try and get things off my mind. Continue reading “Nocturnal Musings #14: Up All Night”