I’m not sure what to say right now. Today was a day that pushed me to my limits in ways I never thought I could be. Emotionally, I’m a mess. Mentally, I’m overwhelmed. Physically, I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep again until all this gets figured out.
Today (or rather, yesterday at this point), was going to be such a good day. I slept well, despite my usual late 4:30 pm wake-up, but I felt good when I woke up and was looking forward to having a good day. Until I read my email. I received an email from my manager that for whatever reason, absence management is claiming they don’t have any of the paperwork for my current leave or upcoming leave. This just adds more fire…
Here it is, 4:30 am on the last Monday of August. And I cannot sleep for anything. I’ve pretty much been on a night shift sleep schedule for the past month, where I go to bed between 3-5 am and get up anywhere between 2-6 pm. I’m a natural night owl; I take after my mother. Tonight I’m thinking back to my day full of appointments this past Friday at the hospital in preparation for my brain surgery next week….
Day 29: What has helped you cope with the stress of this lifestyle? I don’t think anyone would deny that dealing with a bevy of chronic illnesses is stressful. Sometimes it’s difficult to cope, especially on days when you aren’t feeling your best. And there are some days when honestly, coping is just impossible. But there are some ways I’ve discovered that can help lighten the load of the burden that is carrying chronic illnesses.
This is my 100th post. It’s hard to believe I’ve come that far already. My intention in starting this blog was to raise awareness of various chronic illnesses, particularly the ones I suffer from. Endometriosis. Adenomyosis. Celiac disease. Infertility. Depression. Social anxiety disorder. That stupid brain tumor. Yet I’ve also found that I find myself writing so much because it is healing. Being able to get my thoughts down, and sometimes having people respond with a “Me too!” is very…
Day 28: Name five things you have achieved despite your illness. Isn’t this basically the same thing as that question from a few days ago? I need some variety, here. But I’ll give it a whirl anyway.
I don’t remember the last time I was exhausted as I was when I got home from the hospital yesterday after a day full of pre-op testing for my brain surgery, which is in 12 days and counting. I’ve had numerous surgeries (this will be number five), but none of them required the extreme attention to detail that has been required thus far prior to this one. But I guess, it is brain surgery after all.
Day 27: What’s the most helpful advice you have had? Good advice is hard to come by when you have chronic illnesses. People mean well, but often have no idea what they’re talking about. Sometimes the best advice a person with chronic illnesses can receive is advice from another person with chronic illness, at least in my opinion. Or it’s advice you learn for yourself through experience.
Today I will be spending all day at the hospital for my pre-op testing for my brain surgery, which is less than two weeks away now! It’s going to be a long and exhausting day for someone who barely gets out of bed anymore, but at least I’ll have my dad to keep me company all day! So what is involved with all this testing? To be honest, I don’t know what some of it is actually for!
Day 26: What impact has this had on your friends, family, etc.? I don’t know for sure. You’d have to ask them. But here’s what I think it might feel like for them.