Share Your World- March 20, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? This is a very interesting question. Do I not know how old I am because I am ignorant of the concept of time? Or because I am a Time Lord? (Should I open that fob watch…?) If I were ignorant of the concept of time, I would not be any age, because I wouldn’t know that there are numbers associated with the passage of time. It would be like what heaven will be like: eternity, where time doesn’t pass, it just is. Continue reading “Share Your World- March 20, 2017”

Have Yourself a Spoonie Little Christmas

Even though I was diagnosed with endometriosis in 2014, I have to say this Christmas will really be my first as a true spoonie. (Not sure what I mean when I say spoonie? Check it out here to learn about the Spoon Theory.) 2016 added a whole mountain range of problems to my health history, all of which I’ve had to climb to overcome. (And considering the Grand Canyon fiasco from 2013, I don’t have the greatest climbing skills…but that’s another blog post someday.)

Even just preparing for Christmas as a spoonie is a huge challenge. Continue reading “Have Yourself a Spoonie Little Christmas”

Pre-Op Day…Again!

Having three surgeries in four months makes for a lot of pre-op testing. Today was pre-op day for surgery number three in 2016-placement of the Pipeline Embolization Device for my aneurysm.

The day began far too early. I went to bed at midnight because my first appointment was at 8:15 am. Unfortunately, I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn’t fall back asleep. I tried going upstairs at 5 am to snuggle with my black kitty Luna on “her” bed, (anyone else have a queen-sized bed their cat has claimed as their own?) but still I lay there awake. I almost cried when my alarm went off at 6:45 am. And of course, I still managed to be late getting out of bed. I ended up getting up when I wanted to leave. Oops. But I just barely made it in time by speeding and parking in a different parking garage than I was planning to, which cut out a 15-minute walk. Continue reading “Pre-Op Day…Again!”

Identity Crisis

I once had a coworker tell me, “We just want the old Laura back.” It was at a time earlier this year when I went on my first continuous leave from work in the hopes that the rest would break the cycle of migraines I had found myself in. Everyone knew that something was wrong and that I wasn’t my usual self. What no one knew then was that it was the beginning of something far more insidious that I am still dealing with the effects of today.

What was the old Laura like? She was dedicated to her job and tried to make her coworkers laugh to release the tension that comes from working with sick kids. She wouldn’t take a break unless all the work was done, which led to sacrificing dinner almost every single shift. She would pick up overtime when we were short-staffed. She was reliable and felt like she was a valuable part of a team.

But the old Laura is gone. The point of no return has been passed and she’s likely never coming back. Yet the new Laura struggles every day to try to figure out who she is and where she belongs in the world now. Continue reading “Identity Crisis”

Look Back at Me

Trigger warning: depression and self harm

Last night was a rough night. Not as bad as it could have been. Just some tears and feeling sorry for myself. It’s always worst late at night, especially after David goes to bed (I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve gone to bed before him in the past 6 1/2 years of marriage.)

I filled up a couple pages in my journal with my feelings, since writing it all down helps me to process it. (Plus I had extra time thanks to setting the clocks back an hour!) But then I reached a point in my thinking where I didn’t know what to do. Continue reading “Look Back at Me”

Don’t Worry, Be…What?

What if I can’t?

I can’t stop worrying about the future, even though I know it’s in God’s hands. I’m not sure what He wants me to do, and right now it scares me. I have a huge decision to make that I don’t know if I’m capable of making.

I can’t find anything that makes me happy. Things that used to make me happy no longer give me any sense of joy whatsoever. I even put out some Christmas decorations and am listening to some Christmas music, which usually puts me in a delightful mood. Not so this year.

The truth is, I’ve been in a serious funk ever since my return to work turned disastrous. Continue reading “Don’t Worry, Be…What?”

Published on The Mighty!

Last night, after hiding in my bedroom to avoid trick-or-treaters (Halloween is the worst when you’re having fertility problems), I received a huge shock in the form of an email stating that a past blog post from August I submitted a week and a half ago was published on The Mighty! I was absolutely floored that my first submission was accepted! You can read it here! The original post can be found here.

This post is especially fitting since it’s about being thankful for what I have despite my chronic illnesses. My life is very doom and gloom right now, but re-reading that post in light of all that is going wrong in my life at the moment made me remember that despite all that, some things are going right.

Perhaps this is something we all need to remember as we enter the holiday season: thankfulness for what we have.