A POTSie Life For Me

Yesterday was a very overwhelming day, but I’m going to try my best to make it somewhat comprehensible.

After six months of waiting (seriously, I scheduled this appointment in January), I finally had my appointment with Dr. Wilson. He’s a neurologist who specializes in POTS and has patients come from all over the country to see him. And now it was finally my turn! Continue reading “A POTSie Life For Me”

Are You Like Me?

I think I need to take a break from reading memoirs. But I can’t seem to stop. My last four books:

IMG_1341Still Waiting by Ann Swindell. Faithfully encouraging and integrates the story of the Bleeding Woman (one of my favorite parts of the Gospels).

“From my own perspective, I couldn’t see any reason why God wouldn’t heal me, why He wouldn’t change my struggle into a victorious cure. Wouldn’t He get all the glory? All the doctors and therapies and supplements hadn’t helped me, so clearly He would get the attention and fame if He healed me. Wouldn’t He show Himself to be God when no one else could heal?

“Why wouldn’t He heal me? Why?” Still Waiting, page 107

Continue reading “Are You Like Me?”

Nocturnal Musings #22: Say Something…

I just don’t have the heart right now.

Nothing’s changed.

And maybe that’s the reason.

Say something…

You think you’re fine and then suddenly you’re not.

Again.

Biding my time.

Until what? Continue reading “Nocturnal Musings #22: Say Something…”

The Last Shift

If you’ve been following my blog since before October 2016 or so, you might remember that I attempted to return to work on October 24th, six weeks after my brain surgery. You may also remember that it was a complete disaster and I have been unable to work since.

But since that was a one-off failure, I don’t count that day as my last day of work. The day that gets that designation in my book is June 10th.

That’s right. I haven’t really worked in a whole year. Hence the reason I don’t even count that day in October.

What happened on June 10, 2016 was a very ill-timed fluke. Continue reading “The Last Shift”

When Your Depression Is Invalidated

One of the worst feelings you can experience as a chronically ill person is invalidation. It’s not necessarily that others don’t believe you (although that is also a tremendous problem and a discussion for another time), but that they either don’t see or don’t understand how much your illness(es) impact your daily life. Especially when mental health plays a role in your battles.

And what makes it even more frustrating? When that invalidation comes from healthcare professionals. When, to their eyes, you “don’t look sick” enough or you don’t have “enough” chronic illnesses or you’re “too young” (no matter how thick your medical chart) to warrant feeling depressed.

I have struggled with depression for a year and a half now, starting when infertility problems really came to the forefront of my life. But those issues were usurped by far more serious problems. Continue reading “When Your Depression Is Invalidated”

The Unpredictability of POTS

I was diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) about four months ago. (Is that all? Really? *checks calendar* Blast it all. This has been the longest four months of my life.)

In a stroke of luck, my diagnosis came only a month or so after the onset of symptoms, which I inadvertently described some of here. But part of me wonders if this wasn’t the beginning, albeit still only a few weeks before things really took a more permanent turn for the worse. But since I knew what I was looking for, having heard of POTS before and being familiar with the symptoms, I went straight for the best. In another stroke of luck, the healthcare system where I receive all my care just so happens to be an autonomic center, with the most cutting edge testing available (one test I had is only performed at this center.) My cardiologist is none other than the medical director of the syncope center. So with him taking the reins, I got my diagnosis in record time.

But have I improved at all?

Continue reading “The Unpredictability of POTS”

Rebellion Gone Wrong

I’m not quite sure I’ve gone this long without updating my blog before, even after my multiple surgeries last year. This week has been a weird one, though, and I just haven’t felt like writing. Probably because of my rebellion that kind of ended up going sideways.

Hubby was out of town presenting at an emergency medicine conference in Orlando, so I’ve been alone with the cats all week. They’re used to me being home all the time, but not to him being gone. Surprisingly, I didn’t oversleep any of those days, except perhaps today.

But last week, I just suddenly got so sick of being sick. I wanted to pretend that I was normal. Or maybe I was trying to convince myself that I’m not as sick as I appear to be. So I rebelled.

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Turns out, stuff like that backfires.

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Continue reading “Rebellion Gone Wrong”