Reason to Sing

Coping with multiple chronic illnesses is challenging. Very challenging. It’s hard to know how you will feel one day to the next. When my husband asked me if I was going to feel well enough to get to my doctor’s appointments in a few days, I had to remind him I don’t know how I’m going to feel five minutes from now, much less five days from now. As another example, I was fine for most of the day today, although so fatigued I could barely sit up (so what else is new) but just now that I can finally sit up, the daily dizziness has set in as I’m trying to type this. But I’m determined. I have my words and music to distract my brain from what it’s trying to do to me.

Continue reading “Reason to Sing”

Inside a Depressed Mind

*Warning: this post may contain triggers for self-harm and material which may be upsetting. Please stay safe and steer clear of this post if you have these triggers.*

I’ve written a few posts about my depression before (Love Me Til I’m Me Again, How to Save a Life, and The Rabbit Hole). I’ve talked about how my depression arose as a result of my struggle with infertility, my struggles with self harm, and how easy it can be to fall into a depressive episode again, even when things have been going well for awhile. But what is it actually like to be depressed? I’m going to attempt to lay it out. If anything, this might be a bit of a healing exercise for me.

Continue reading “Inside a Depressed Mind”

A Year of Coping by Writing

Keeping with the writing theme today, on August 9th, I celebrated my write-a-versary. What is that? That day had been one year since I started keeping a journal again. I’ve gone through 13 journals in that time and am on number 14, as pictured above. I write enough that it takes between 2-3 weeks to fill up a journal, although I originally started out at a much slower pace. My first journal, for instance, spanned from August 9th-December 31st. After that, I really picked up the pace and tend to write every day, multiple times a day. Not coincidentally, that was at the same time my health took a nosedive. Continue reading “A Year of Coping by Writing”

The Rabbit Hole

*Warning: this post may contain triggers for self-harm and material which may be upsetting. Please stay safe and steer clear of this post if you have these triggers.*

This is going to be one of those sleepless nights. I slept from 4 am-2pm yesterday, but I’m not at all tired yet and I have a lot on my mind. It’s already 5 am. I’ll go to bed when the sun comes up.

When he got home from work tonight, David told me about a frequent flier they have who has severe psychological problems and suicidal ideation like you would not believe. He said he just couldn’t imagine someone trying so hard to die as many times as this individual had.

But I can. And it’s so easy, when you’re so close to the rabbit hole, to slip and fall back in. Continue reading “The Rabbit Hole”

How to Save a Life

*Warning: this post may contain triggers for self-harm and graphic images and material which may be upsetting. Please stay safe and steer clear of this post if you have these triggers.

It’s important to have a friend.

And I don’t just mean a friend you can watch movies with and laugh with and go shopping with and hang out with. All those things are indeed important.

But do you have a friend who will save your life?

I do. In fact, I have two. Continue reading “How to Save a Life”