Share Your World- March 27, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

Does your first or middle name have any significance (or were you named after another family member)? My first name, no. My middle name is my mother’s first name (same with my brother; his middle name is my father’s first name.)

Music or silence while working? It really depends on what I’m doing and what kind of mood I’m in. I have music on right now and I generally do while I’m blogging. But while I’m writing in my journal, I’m a bit more introspective, so I prefer silence. If I happen to be doing anything else, like folding laundry, I like music to be on. Continue reading “Share Your World- March 27, 2017”

Share Your World- March 13, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? Not usually. There was one particular elevator at work where the buttons wouldn’t light up when you pushed the button on the second floor, so sometimes I would push it more than once…just in case…and sometimes if I had to run to a code on a different floor (and trust me, the stairs would have been slower), I would be internally panicking, so I would take it out on the elevator button. And no, I don’t believe it makes the elevator faster. Continue reading “Share Your World- March 13, 2017”

A Day With Dysautonomia

What’s it like to have dysautonomia? Let me take you through a day in my compression socks so you have some idea of what I fight through on a daily basis.

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Heart rate after brushing teeth

Imagine it’s a new day. You wake up and get out of bed. You do your business and then brush your teeth (with an electric toothbrush, by the way.) As you’re doing this, you place two of your fingers over your carotid artery. Your heart rate is rapid, probably in the 120s, maybe pushing 130. And all you’re doing is standing up, brushing your teeth. Continue reading “A Day With Dysautonomia”

Share Your World- January 23, 2017

This will be a weekly post of the most random of random questions to answer- to share my world! Thanks to Cee’s blog for being the brainchild behind this!

Ok, I know it’s not the 23rd but I was feeling incredibly run down yesterday and didn’t feel like doing much of anything. Not that I’m feeling much better today, but I’ve gotten restless enough that I think I can sit up long enough to get this one done.

Pause for nosebleed. Such is life on aspirin and Plavix in the depths of winter.

Do you prefer juice or fruit? Juice. First, because I’m lazy, so if it involves washing, cutting, slicing, etc, I don’t like it. Second, I tend to prefer my diet in as liquid a form as possible, especially lately for some reason. I just don’t seem to have the energy to chew my food anymore. Continue reading “Share Your World- January 23, 2017”

Modifications and Coping

Finally, a post that’s not about dry medical procedures and appointments! I’m not expecting this post to be much of anything, though. I just need an outlet to get my thoughts together.

Since my appointment with Dr. J the first week of January, I’ve made the specified modifications he asked me to do to help me feel better. But it’s not all physical things I’m dealing with. My emotions are all over the place right now, going from angry to sad to…nothing, I guess. So how am I doing, really? Continue reading “Modifications and Coping”

The Light

Like an unsung melody
The truth is waiting there for you to find it
It’s not a blight, but a remedy
A clear reminder of how it began
Deep inside your memory
Turned away as you struggled to find it
You heard the call as you walked away
A voice of calm from within the silence
And for what seemed an eternity
You’re waiting, hoping it would call out again
You heard the shadow reckoning
Then your fears seemed to keep you blinded
You held your guard as you walked away

When you think all is forsaken
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light

An unforgivable tragedy
The answer isn’t where you think you’d find it
Prepare yourself for the reckoning
For when your world seems to crumble again
Don’t be afraid, don’t turn away
You’re the one who can redefine it
Don’t let hope become a memory
Let the shadow permeate your mind and
Reveal the thoughts that were tucked away
So that the door can be opened again
Within your darkest memories
Lies the answer if you dare to find it
Don’t let hope become a memory

When you think all is forsaken
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light

Sickening, weakening
Don’t let another somber pariah consume your soul
You need strengthening, toughening
It takes an inner dark to rekindle the fire burning in you
Ignite the fire within you

When you think all is forsaken
Listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness can show you the light

Don’t ignore, listen to me now (all is not forsaken)
You need never feel broken again
Sometimes darkness
Can show you the light…

“The Light” (Disturbed)

I just cannot deal today. I am so completely done with everything that my body is doing to me. I’ve had it up to here with this dysautonomia thing.

Haven’t I suffered enough? I just want this to be over. I want to be normal again, or as close to normal as I can be. I want a quality of life that doesn’t involve being stuck on the couch all day because if I stand up, my body doesn’t know how to compensate and I have to sit or lay down right away to avoid being involuntarily returned to a flat position.

I HATE MY BODY. I HATE MY LIFE. I JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER. (Although as an FYI, you really don’t need to worry about me, I’m not even thinking about doing anything harmful.)

I have this song on repeat because it so incredibly encompasses everything right now. It really is a beautiful song for being a bit heavy. Please check out the music video. It does an amazing job of depicting the lyrics of the song through the scenes it portrays, especially with medical stuff being involved. (Beware of some graphic medical injury [burns]. I like the music video better because it so beautifully demonstrates the lyrics.) Never thought a secular song could do something like this.

I’m already in darkness. I’m just waiting for The Light…

💛ribbonrx