Nocturnal Musings #19: The Things You Learn

I’m awake since I feel a bit sick right now. Nausea has become a fairly common occurrence during my days now, likely from all the salt tablets I’m ingesting…and all the food I’m not ingesting. I really don’t care, either.

So, it’s been a bit since I really updated at all because I’ve been reblogging my endometriosis-related posts this month to spread awareness. But what else have I been up to? Continue reading “Nocturnal Musings #19: The Things You Learn”

An Existence I Can No Longer Have

Master Yoda was right.

“Fear is the path to the dark side.

Fear leads to anger.

Anger leads to hate.

Hate leads to suffering.”

img_1007

Well, give me my red lightsaber now.

I’ve feared for the past year since I went on medical leave (on June 10, 2016) that this day would come. That my recovery wouldn’t happen fast enough for the almighty powers that be and that my position would be posted, Continue reading “An Existence I Can No Longer Have”

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

I love fun stuff like this. It’s distracting me from the hell hole that is my life lately. Thanks Dangerously Normal Spoonie for the idea!

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? North Pole from Yankee Candle.

img_0906
Look how he is not touching her midriff. Such a gentleman!

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Emma Watson

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Tom Hiddleston (seriously, he’s only four years older than me.)

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? I was 24 when I got married, which is about how old I expected I would be.

5. Do you know a hoarder? Not as bad as on the show, but my husband is definitely a hoarder.

6. Can you do a split? Yes. I’ll have you know I haven’t stretched in two years and didn’t before taking these pictures just now.

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? I think about five?

8. How many oceans have you swam in? Umm…Atlantic, Caribbean, Mediterranean, and Adriatic. So four.

9. How many countries have you been to? I think eight…(excluding the U.S.) Canada, Honduras, France, Italy, Monaco, (is Monaco its own country?) Germany, United Kingdom (including England, Wales, and Northern Ireland), Republic of Ireland.

10. Is anyone in your family in the army? Nope.

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? Alexis Ruth

12. What would you name your son if you had one? Jacob Daniel

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? F. Very, very F. (In the apt words of one of my uncle’s college professors, “Oh, you don’t get F, you get F minus!”)

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? Adventures in Wonderland and Saved by the Bell

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? That would have been second grade…a black cat.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? Yes. I loved and need to reread Harry Potter. I need to finish Hunger Games (only finished the first book). And I need to set fire to Twilight.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? British. It’s in my royal heritage, you know.

18. Did your mother go to college? Yes.

19. Are your grandparents still married? They’re dead.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? No

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? Of course. If you don’t, I don’t want to imagine how tragic your childhood was.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? Seabreeze! (Twelfth oldest operating amusement park in the world, fourth oldest in the U.S.)

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Spanish

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? Gray

25. Is your father bald? Getting there.

26. Do you know triplets? Not personally.

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? Neither, although if I had to pick one, The Notebook.

28. Have you ever had Indian food? Who hasn’t?

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? Revolution Pizza (best gluten free pizza anywhere!)

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? Too many times.

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?Sam’s Club

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? Kevin Charles

33. If you have a nickname, what is it? Bootie

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? My hubby, David.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? Suburbs.

36. Can you whistle? Eh, not really.

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight? We have one over by the bathroom door that we put there while I was recovering from knee surgery so if I needed to crutch to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I could see where I was going. We just never got rid of it. But it’s pretty much hidden by a dresser, so you can’t see it until you’re right in front of the bathroom door.

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? Nope. Stopped doing that when I was 12.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes. Ends up being about 30 pills daily.

40. What medical conditions do you have? Sigh…Endometriosis, adenomyosis, celiac disease, infertility, major depressive disorder, anxiety, episodic migraines, hypothyroidism, pituitary tumor (prolactinoma) that was surgically removed and had better not come back, left internal carotid artery aneurysm, dysautonomia, orthostatic intolerance, moderate hypovolemia (I don’t have enough blood, but I’m not anemic), and “very severe” venous pooling, both of which indicate POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). And I might have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome; I have an appointment with a geneticist in a few weeks.

41. How many times have you been to the hospital? I work at one and trained in many, so I’m going to assume this question means as a patient. So then…15, to the best of my knowledge, including emergency room visits, admissions, and procedures or surgeries. That excludes appointments.

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? What person in their 30s hasn’t!?

43. Where do you buy your jeans? New York and Company

44. What’s the last compliment you got? A comment from a lovely reader on my blog: “Thank you so much for such an informative post on brain fog. I know I get it a lot and it drives me bonkers. Reading your experience makes me feel less alone!”

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?  Most of the time.

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy? Lady Gray and English Breakfast.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? Too many. I only wear about seven of them.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? Jesus is my Savior, not my religion.

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? I think I was about 7 or 8.

50. Why do you have a Tumblr? I don’t. I just copied this list from someone else!

💛ribbonrx

Can’t I Just Be “Whelmed”?

via Daily Prompt: Overwhelming

It doesn’t take a psychiatrist to figure out that right now my life is exceptionally overwhelming. I thought I’d gone through a lot last year, which I did. Unfortunately, it appears, at least so far, that 2017 is turning out to be a real stinker as well. And we’re only a month in!

Maybe listing everything I’m overwhelmed about will help. I’ll try to make this as coherent as possible. However, between this perpetual brainfog and the fact that as of right now, I’ve been awake for 28 hours (couldn’t sleep due to pain and just feeling crummy in general…plus I wanted to finish a book I was reading), it may be a little bit off. Continue reading “Can’t I Just Be “Whelmed”?”

A Day With Dysautonomia

What’s it like to have dysautonomia? Let me take you through a day in my compression socks so you have some idea of what I fight through on a daily basis.

img_1706
Heart rate after brushing teeth

Imagine it’s a new day. You wake up and get out of bed. You do your business and then brush your teeth (with an electric toothbrush, by the way.) As you’re doing this, you place two of your fingers over your carotid artery. Your heart rate is rapid, probably in the 120s, maybe pushing 130. And all you’re doing is standing up, brushing your teeth. Continue reading “A Day With Dysautonomia”

Brain Fog

There are a lot of things I hate about having dysautonomia. The dizziness, the lightheadedness, the tachycardia, the salt, the fluids, the compression socks (even though mine are cute), the occasional need for a wheelchair in public that makes people think I’m a crazy faker because sometimes I can walk and sometimes I can’t (because people don’t understand invisible disabilities.)

But one of the main things I hate about dysautonomia is part of the reason I have been writing less and less as time goes on, and why what I have written hasn’t exactly been stellar.

Brain fog.

img_0886This is not just a getting-older-I-forgot-where-I-put-my-keys kind of thing. Or when my husband forgets where he put anything and everything because he’s a man (and somehow I know where everything is, because I’m a woman.) But I am not normally a forgetful person. I remember things I have no business remembering (ask my childhood friend Jenny.)

What I’m talking about is actually quite disturbing to me. Continue reading “Brain Fog”

For All That You Have Done

Start humming “Auld Lang Syne.” (Seriously, just work with me here.)

“Your grace will never be forgot
Your mercy all my life
Will be my soul’s forever song
My story and my light…”

It’s easy for me to sit here and bash 2016 for what a horrendous year it was. I’ve already done a pretty good job of that in my personal journal.

I am not yet done grieving the past year and what it did to me. But I would be remiss if I said that nothing good came out of this year. I almost have to grit my teeth saying that, because I want nothing more than to scream and cry and release some serious emotions about this trash heap of a year. But not knowing what is to come in 2017, maybe 2016 can at least go out on a high note.

So what have I gained from all of the nonsense of 2016? What good did I get out of everything I went through? Continue reading “For All That You Have Done”