For All That You Have Done

For All That You Have Done

Start humming “Auld Lang Syne.” (Seriously, just work with me here.)

“Your grace will never be forgot
Your mercy all my life
Will be my soul’s forever song
My story and my light…”

It’s easy for me to sit here and bash 2016 for what a horrendous year it was. I’ve already done a pretty good job of that in my personal journal.

I am not yet done grieving the past year and what it did to me. But I would be remiss if I said that nothing good came out of this year. I almost have to grit my teeth saying that, because I want nothing more than to scream and cry and release some serious emotions about this trash heap of a year. But not knowing what is to come in 2017, maybe 2016 can at least go out on a high note.

So what have I gained from all of the nonsense of 2016? What good did I get out of everything I went through?

Still humming? Good!

“From mountaintop to valley low
Through laughter and through tears
Surely the goodness of my God
Will follow all the years…”

Coming back to the Lord. That’s the best thing. Although I’ve started to become a bit complacent again, I’ll be honest. But I’m looking forward to starting a fresh year with new devotionals tomorrow. I guess sometimes you need to take a step back and start over. But anyway, without our infertility struggle, I don’t know that I would have picked up my Bible last February when I did. It had remained closed for a long time, but opening it up literally felt like a breath of fresh air, reminding me of the times in college when I was walking in faith surrounded by fellow believers. The smell and feel of the pages, the highlighted verses (in either pink, blue, or green), my notes in the margins and sometimes squeezed between verses…truly a work of art. Such is the Word of God anyway. Hopefully once we get my health into a manageable place, we can start going to church again. And David and I will continue to walk in the faith we’ve come back to, letting the Lord lead us through these trials.

Still humming? Now hum the chorus of “Auld Lang Syne!”

“For all that You have done for us
For every battle won
We’ll raise a song to bless Your heart
For all that You have done…”

Drawing closer to David. We’d already become much closer in 2014 through my diagnosis of and two surgeries for endometriosis. But once the infertility stuff really began in earnest at the end of 2015 and really became serious at the start of 2016, plus all of the other monstrous things that followed, we’ve become pretty close. We’re…not exactly inseparable, as we both cherish alone time with nothing but yourself (plus a few cats), but I believe our marriage now demonstrates what marriage should be like. We weren’t joking when we said, “in sickness and in health.” David is my best friend and my soul mate, and I think that’s a level that not many marriages get to anymore. But I love him so much, even when he makes messes in the kitchen and snores so loudly I have to poke him relentlessly to get him to roll over. ?

Still humming? Now back to the verses of “Auld Lang Syne!”

“In all our failures and regrets
You’ve always led us home
Redemption’s arm has raised us up
Our triumph in the storm…”

Learning to put my health first. I was always such a “yes” person before this year, even when my health wasn’t all that great as a result of the endometriosis. I would almost always sacrifice myself for the good of other people. Now, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t still do that, but I would think long and hard first about how it might negatively impact me. And then I might say, “No, I can’t.” I don’t like having these self-imposed limitations, but I think they’re a good thing for me right now. If I’m not well, I can’t be of use to anybody. That’s why I’ve been on medical leave for the past 6 1/2 months. And with a new year comes a fresh start; I return to work tomorrow. I feel much better about it than I did when I tried to go back in October. Hopefully that means I’m ready now.

Keep humming those verses…

“In unity we’ll stand as one
As family we’ll go
Shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand
Into the great unknown…”

Continuing to advocate for myself. Instead of just letting medication side effects ruin my life, asking to try something else. And then pushing for surgery when the next medication failed so I could get my life back to some semblance of normal. Continually asking what else could be done to pinpoint a diagnosis. Refusing to take no for an answer. And I will never stop. If I hadn’t advocated for myself the way I did this year, I’d be completely nonfunctional or possibly not even here anymore. I can’t stop health disasters from happening to me, but I can do everything in my power to get the best possible care, because that’s what I deserve. And that’s what everyone else deserves too.

“For all that You have done for us
For every battle won
We’ll raise a song to bless Your heart
For all that You have done…”

And with that, I bid 2016 adieu, good riddance, and a kick in the pants on the way out.

Welcome, 2017! Happy New Year, everyone!??????



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