I find myself awake at 6 am, only two hours after going to bed and only one hour after falling asleep, from waking up in a night sweat. How joyous. And I’m only 30. It’s happened a lot this year, so I can only think it must somehow be related to Mini.
I’m not going to say it’s been an easy year for me, because it hasn’t. This has been the worst year of my life (see pretty much any number of my blog posts). I didn’t think 2014 could be topped, but that’s what you get for thinking sometimes.
If you’ve been following my blog lately, you know that I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor (that I call Mini) in March. I tried and failed both medications used to treat the tumor, which means brain surgery for me. September 8th can’t come fast enough. Although the prospect of having brain surgery is slightly disconcerting and terrifying.
I have been on disability from work since June, unable to work first due to the side effects of the medication and then, once I had weaned off the medication, the effects of the tumor itself. It’s been a lonely two and a half months, with barely any contact with anyone I know. My depression, which began due to my infertility problems, has only gotten worse because of it. I feel alone because I am alone.
But you know what they say. When you’ve walked through hell, the ones who come out on the other side with you are your friends. (Or any variation of that statement; there are lots of them). One of the greatest blessings of all this is that I have found who my true friends are. I’ve weeded out the fair weather friends. I know now who doesn’t care about me…and who still does, despite everything.
The co-workers who text me to see how I’m doing.
The co-worker who left flowers on my front porch when things were going rough.
The friend from high school who regularly gives me pep talks.
My former vocal coach who prays without ceasing.
My fellow bloggers who leave comments of encouragement and spur me on to keep writing.
My sisters and brothers around the world who are fighting through the same illnesses just as hard as I am.
That lovely young lady who messaged me all the way from Australia to see if I was ok. I didn’t know her, but she cared.
Those who intercede at the Lord’s throne for me.
My husband and family members who love me unconditionally.
Going through multiple chronic illnesses is hard. It’s lonely and isolating. It’s frightening. I’m having brain surgery in two weeks and I’m terrified.
But there are those who will be with me every step of the way. Loving me when others won’t. Encouraging me when others have stopped caring. Reaching out to me when others are too caught up in themselves to think about anyone else.
And to those people, and you should know who you are by what your conscience is telling you, all I can say is thank you.